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Sunday 14 July 2002 - "Purity before marriage"

(Summary of engagement sermon by Erlo Stegen, at engagements of Waldemar & Susan and Japie & Rachel - mostly in Afrikaans & Zulu)

Mt 1:18

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

Mt 19:6

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

When Joseph was engaged to Mary, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit, but they had not yet come together. The Bible makes it clear that there's a difference between engagement and marriage. These days couples live together like husband and wife, even before they are married. It is like Sodom and Gomorrah. When they live like that, it makes it clear that God did not bring them together.

It is important that our young people seek God's will in marriage. Marriage is not a small thing. It was created by God, and not by Hollywood.

When a couple gets engaged, they promise to each other to remain faithful till marriage. These days engagements are not usually celebrated in church. It's usually a big party with boozing. But when we have met Jesus Christ, everything changes. It's spiritual humbug to claim that you have met with Jesus, and everything in your life have not changed. When my family met with Christ, everything at home changed.

My parents used to say that their engagement time was the best time of their life. Then they only visited each other now and then, but after the marriage they had to be with each other every day. However, when Jesus entered their lives, it changed. When Jesus comes into your life, the married life gets better every day. Both become more holy, patient and loving.

The married life need not just change once Jesus enters, it can even start well. You can even walk in holiness as an unmarried person and seek God's will in marriage.

We are not Jews, but the following is how they did it in Jesus' time. At the engagement, the bridegroom's family would go to the bride's family and the two that are getting engaged would drink from the same cup. This is a sign that they will keep themselves pure for each other till marriage. The bridegroom will go home after this, and build a house. When the house is finish, he would wait for his father to give him the go ahead to fetch his bride.

So they understood Jesus' language clearly when He said, "I go to prepare a place for you, and will come again to receive you unto Myself". Only the Father knows the time when Jesus will do this.

Engagement should not be according to the will of man, or the lust of the flesh or sin, but God must bring you together. When your child wants to get engaged, it is good to ask him whether he is sure that it is God's will. Ask him even how God led him.

Do not choose a wife for someone else, for it is not you that have to live together with that woman, but that man for whom you choose.

It is wonderful if you know for sure and are not in the slightest doubt that God brought you together. When a problem comes up in marriage, you can always refer back to God who brought you together. You will have a great disaster if it's the figure of the other person, or something else that brought you together.When that thing changes with time, what are you going to do?

Some say that they ought to get to know each other, before they can get married. You do not get to know each other by living together and flirting together. Each one puts their best foot forward, and only after the marriage is the real person revealed.

There was a certain couple who lived together for 7 years and then they got married. Withing a few weeks they got divorced again. They never knew the other person, until after marriage.