Testimony of Keagan in English/isiZulu
Testimony of Keagan in French
Testimony of Keagan in German
Introduction Michael Ngubane
We welcome everyone but a special welcome to Aunty Pat from the USA. We are so happy to be with her. It was on her heart to be with us during this time. May the Lord grant her all that she desires and us all we need so that we will leave having received what we need.
We live in the mist belt. No driver enjoys driving in the mist. Everyone drives carefully to avoid accidents. But how terrible if you are in spiritual mistiness, trying to see the barrier line and you hope you are not going astray or going to hit something or veer off the road.
We have God’s word which enables us to see. Come out of darkness and into that wonderful light. The word of God is powerful and penetrating like a sword.
Testimony of Keegan Pillay from CYPSA
I greet you all in the mighty name of our Lord and Jesus Christ. I grew up in Westbury, Johannesburg. I grew up in a Hindu home. There was domestic violence, physical and emotional abuse in our home. I was sexually abused as a young boy and I became a prisoner of my own pain and sorrow.
My dad was an excessive drinker who often beat my mom. At the age of 5 I tried to intervene and stop my father from hitting my mother but he began hitting me as well. It did not stop him. I began to enjoy pain because my mom also experienced pain. I hated him. I hated those who sexually abused me. By the age of 9 my parents separated. I lived with my dad and he taught me to hate my mother. Everything I experienced as a child was hurtful. My dad passed away when I was 11 but by then I was already smoking cigarettes, drinking and smoking dagga.
My mom asked me to live with her but because I was so full of hatred and bitterness towards her I ran away from home and ended up in foster care. There I was introduced to pornography and further molestation. I became more bitter and angry towards everyone around me. I hated people and God. I thought if God is alive why had He not helped me as a child? By the age of 12 I joined the gangs at school. My life was so messed up. My brother told me that I will be destroyed by the very same drugs that I sold to destroy others. By the age of 13 and 14 I had been imprisoned 3 times as a juvenile. At the age of 19 I was sentenced to 15 years in prison and I served 7 years. Prison did not change me, it made me worse.
When I came out of prison I continued with my gang, selling drugs, robbery and murder. I got arrested with drugs when I worked for the Nigerians. I lost everything. So I moved from town to town, place to place. Eventually I asked my brother if I could stay with him and he said on the grounds that I give up gangs, drug dealing and violence. He had four kids of his own and he did not want them to be negatively influenced. I did not care what he asked, I did what I liked and continued my lifestyle. Eventually he sent me away.
I became addicted to Tik. I lost the trust of my family and everyone around me. My family did not want me around. I lived in my own world of bitterness and hatred. I could not sleep for a month so I started using heroin. I ended up living in the club house of a tennis court. I would call out to Jesus Christ because my mother and brother told me to pray and ask Jesus to save me from this life. As Hindus they could not tell me how to get free from my bondage. I began praying to the Lord Jesus to see whether He is alive as everyone says. I would pray but still find myself in the same situation. I thought God was not listening to my prayers but in fact He was working out a way for me.
In 2015 the devil told me to kill myself because it was the only way out. I believed him. I had an aunt who prayed for me daily. She allowed me to wash and eat at her house. During that time she prayed for me but on 14 October the devil told me to kill myself and I decided to do that. As I left the house, a white car stopped outside and I thought it was the police so I started to run but it was my mother and eldest brother. I had not spoken to them for over 18 months. When they called me, I came out from the shadows. I was dirty, scruffy and skinny. When they saw me we all cried. They asked me what was going on and I told them that I was lost, I needed help and God. I asked them to take me to a rehab. My brother said he would clean me up, feed me and figure out a way to help me. But as a drug addict, you are selfish and you only think about yourself. I told him that if I went to his house I would rob him of all his valuable stuff and sell it for drugs.
He asked me not to use drugs for two days. But I knew I could not do without heroin and crystal meth. I told him I would not use anything but I continued. I used more drugs. I returned to my room at the tennis court. The devil said, “Keegan, get up and jump off that block of flats. God cannot help you and your mother and brother cannot help you.” So I got up. When I reached the door my friend’s pregnant girlfriend stood in the door and because of her God protected me from death. If a guy had stood in the doorway, I would have beaten him up and left. That night I smoked and drugged but when I had finished I fell to the ground and said, “God, you used the girl as an angel to stop me, you brought my mom and brother to see me, Lord, if you are truly alive save me from this hell I am in. Lord, if you do not save me tonight I will kill myself.”
My brother did not wait two days. He fetched me on the 15th and on the 16th of October I arrived at KSB Mission. I thought it was a rehabilitation centre but little did I know, I was coming to a place of restoration. When came here I was as high on crystal meth. I went to the office and I met ma Busi. She gave me the Code of Conduct to read. “God helps us,” she said, “we don’t use medication. We attend church 3 times a day and you start counselling.” I asked her what counselling was about. I was told to make my life right with God. I asked her how. She said, “Confess your sins.” I had lived a life of gangsterism for 23 years. I was in and out of jail. I did not want to confess my sins firstly because I thought this is not for me. But as I attended the services, the Word of God penetrated my heart.
On 21 October, ma Busi gave me with this Bible. I had never read Psalm 34 in my life before. That day I opened the book and my eyes fell on Psalm 34: 4,6. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. Once I read this, I realized that God had heard me. He led me here. I confessed my sins. There is nothing that can be hidden from You, Lord, because my life is transparent. You everything I have done but I need forgiveness, Lord. The Lord led me to a counsellor and I poured out everything. The hatred and bitterness I felt in my soul lifted and my life began to be filled with light. I received and accepted His forgiveness. God helped me to return home and make right with my family and community. My 21 days were soon over. I asked God, if it was His will, that I could stay for 2 more weeks to make my life right. By God’s grace and mercy I am here for 4 years now. I thank God for everything the Lord has done for me. I could make things right. Then I could assist at the hothouses.
God has taught me not to be better than others but better than myself because I must be guided by His word every day. These are the first 4 years of my life that I have not been to prison, I have not hurt my mother, I have not killed a person, I have not used drugs. This is God’s grace on me.
We thank the Lord for everything we have heard. Some say the Lord is dead but He is alive, especially in this place. Thank you, Keegan for what you have said. I am also so thankful to see Aunty Pat. The Bible says that they will come from the East and West, from far and wide, but the people of the house of the Kingdom prefer to leave. Aunty Pat has come from far to be here and the people from here leave. My brain does not understand this. May the Lord be gracious to her. May she experience heaven on earth.
I was at Malelane together with Baba Dube and Baba Mzobe this last week. We experienced God working. I doubt that we understand what God wants to do there. This is the beginning of a new era. It was such a privilege to go with Zulu people. You miss something in your life if you cannot work together. Those who talk much and know much, be quiet and listen to what others have to say. You learn so many things.
13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. 15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.
Matthew 7:13 – 20
There is so much that could be said about this word. May God show you much more, much more than what you will hear this morning.
These words were spoken at the end of the Sermon on the Mount so they are very important words. Why? The Lord said that not many will find it which means that not many will understand it. It is frightening. As we are seated here, one wonders how many of us really understand. We all proclaim to be His followers. But who grasps the mystery contained therein? This text pertains to the time we are living in. I do not think there is anyone who believes that he is on the wrong road. A word has often come to me: But the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he did not listen to them, as the LORD had spoken to Moses. Exodus 9:12 God blinded their eyes. It is not easy to read these hard words. God deadened their hearts so that they could neither see with their eyes nor understand with their hearts and turn so that He could heal them. We always think sin hardens our heart, which it does, but have you ever wondered whether God hardens your heart? Have you ever thought of that? How long has God not pleaded with us and you to turn from your wicked ways and forsake your sin, but you continue with it.
When a person continues in his ways and sin, that person may even write filth and accusations. This is the danger – it is as if God says the cup is not yet full. Continue, do what you think is right, fill that cup to the brim. Continue with your sin until the cup is full. Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Pour her a double portion from her own cup. Revelation 18:6. You ask why do you always return to this point? It is of the utmost importance. Answer this question before the Lord. Have you stopped sinning? If the Lord sees that you do not want to bow and are hardened, He will harden your heart even more. Have you ever pondered on this? You confess and confess but there is no change. Why? The problem is not God’s forgiveness, the problem is that you are holding on to that thing, there is no desire, no urgency, to separate from it.
One day a lady, a mother, approached Reverend Stegen, complaining bitterly about the fact that he always spoke about purity and sin. She said that he prevented the young people from enjoying pleasures and criticized him for being hard on the young people by not allowing them to do what they wanted to. It did not take long and it was discovered that she was living in sin with another man.
If you can reason, pray and think about it, people who complain the loudest do it because they need to cover their own nakedness. Do not be swept along by the storm, by the talk you hear, you will have to stand before the Lord all alone. Often those who write and talk the most are the ones who are protecting their own lives and sin, otherwise why would a person do it. A person who is spiritually alive and able to discern what is right and wrong. You should not be confused.
Back to today’s word: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. Be careful of false prophets – false teachings. Sin and false teaching are one – you cannot separate them. How can you ask a person who is a thief to preach against stealing? The Bible says that there are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The wolf and the sheep are about the same size. If the one was much larger than the other, you would immediately notice that something is wrong and see that it cannot be a sheep. Friends, we need discernment. You must be able to recognise a wolf from afar. The devil comes as an angel of light and as an innocent sheep. Is that not the most dangerous aspect of the evil one?
We regard fruit as the way you live, act and what people see. But a wolf in sheep’s clothing will not behave differently to a sheep, otherwise you would quickly notice the wolf. The only difference will be the sound the animal makes. When the animal cannot bleat like a sheep then it is not a sheep. So what separates the two animals? The fruit. The tongue. The Bible says you will recognise them by their fruit. God has taught us His standards since the beginning of the revival. Listen carefully. Have a spiritual ear and you should differentiate the wolf from the sheep. The wolf will preach to you as sheep, not as a wolf. He will pamper you with love here, love there, God loves you, don’t worry about it, leave it to God Who will see to it, we will pray about it. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, will be extra loving, extra careful.
Although a sheep is a humble animal, if something is wrong, that sheep will act. It will say, yes, I understand but have you made that thing right? It is one thing to confess something but it is another thing to make it right and bring it to the light. A sheep will say, “Let us go and speak to that person concerning the matter,” but a wolf will say that it is not necessary. It is sometimes not the people who change, but the mask falls off. You can think a person is a Christian but … he just wore a pious mask. Those with dirty hands point fingers. If you point a finger, remember that three point back at you. The person who writes, speaks and attacks others has usually got dirty hands that is why they are able to point fingers.
When people hurt you over and over, either in words or speech, think of it in this way: When sandpaper is used on wood, it scratches the wood until it is totally smooth. The sandpaper polishes the wood and finally it comes out as the Carpenter desires. And the sandpaper? It is thrown into the rubbish bin. When situations rub you and are difficult, remember the sandpaper. Bow, admit, do not argue and fight. Allow the sandpaper to do its work. In the end you will be polished and smooth. You should be the most thankful and joyful person to experience such a thing. But the sandpaper? It is thrown into the dustbin then onto the rubbish dump and finally it gets burnt.
One thing wolves do very well is write. They write and write. They get out what is in their hearts and you marvel at what is in their hearts. The interesting thing is, you are like one who goes to a pit toilet, hauls the dirt out and rubs it all over. No wonder you stink. You smear it onto your own face. You stink, that is the problem. And you do not even smell yourself.
The Bible says they will come as savage wolves and scatter the flock. A fable tells the story of a wolf that was eyeing a flock of sheep. The shepherds guarded that flock and there was no way the wolf could enter. One day he found a fleece and covered himself with it. He walked among the sheep and the next thing a little lamb followed it. He followed the wolf until they were out of sight and the wolf attacked and killed it. People have to be drawn to one side and that is where they are snatched by the wolves. The wolf became braver and mixed with the sheep. The sheep did not notice anything wrong. Sometimes sheep are stupid. That evening, the shepherd decided to eat mutton. He grabbed the sheep that was a wolf. It snarled at him and then he saw that it was a wolf and not a sheep.
Beware of half-truths because it may happen that you get hold of the wrong half. How do you know? People of the same spirit flock together. Where do you stand? What type of sheep are you? What voice do you understand?
There is one wolf that is very subtle and clever. It is a boy who flirts with girls. He promises heaven, aeroplanes, a holiday overseas, the beach front. Once he has had his pleasure, he strangely no longer wants to have anything to do with her.
A beautiful French girl was looking for a boyfriend. There are very few things that can beat a sly girl. One day she met up with a young man and she began chatting him up. They went to a restaurant and she paid for his meal. He was a complete stranger to this type of thing, but was very flattered and taken up by her. After the meal she offered him a hotel room which he initially refused but she eventually talked him into it. They booked into the hotel and she introduced him to what she had intended from the beginning. The next morning when he woke up the girl was gone. He was mystified and as he walked into the bathroom he found the words: ‘Welcome to the AIDS club’ written with red lipstick on the mirror.
A wolf will never tell you what the end will be. A wolf has come to scatter and destroy the flock. That is why the Lord warns us. Consider how a person used to preach? Does he still preach in the same way? If not, has the mask dropped? Now it is clear who he really is.
Keegan mentioned molestation in his testimony and I respect him for it. It makes headlines in the world today. It is so prevalent in society but it is so evil that you cannot speak openly about it – fathers and uncles who molest their children, sugar daddies. An old grandfather will take his grandchild on his lap and show her videos of animals and how they mate. This grandfather is grooming the child for tragedy. This problem is amongst Christians who hide and cover everything. Be careful how you hug people. Father, have you ever thought what you are doing to that child when you act like you do? Children trust their fathers and the fathers exploit them. Keegan trusted his father. He never expected his own father to treat him as he did. This destroys all trust. No wonder you look at videos and allow your children to look at them. Do not hide it. You allow them to look at videos because you yourself are filthy. Admit it. Go and make it right. You know your own evil heart.
Parents, you have sheep at home. Do you look after your sheep? Maybe your sheep are already digging underground because they want to get to the other side of the fence. Are you a real shepherd? Father, where are your children? We need to talk and forgive me if I do it. We cannot allow the devil to destroy our young people. That poor little girl is too afraid to talk. She no longer trusts people. You begin touching and that poor little child is bewildered. Do you hear what I say? You who like touching people, you touch and touch. Poor, poor child. Then you say, don’t talk, stop talking like that.
There may be things that have happened in your life, go and talk about them and you will be set free. These things are binding you for many years. The Bible says the truth will set you free. Sometimes you wonder why children’s hearts are so hard. Has the child maybe experienced something traumatic? Look at where Keegan ended. I am happy you spoke about something which has been on my heart. I don’t know why. I thought there is no devouring wolf quite like a father or an uncle who destroys children. Come to the light. The Lord is waiting. You will be freed as Keegan has been set free.
If you listen to the words of these people who spread half-truths, they are like a prickly pear. When it turns red or yellow you may grab it with your bare hands and only when you open your hand you realise it is full of little thorns that you cannot even see. You have to scratch them off because they hurt so much. It is dangerous, people, if we persevere in what we do when we know something is wrong. The Lord is calling you. You can get rid of those hurtful thorns. You may become a wolf yourself because you have learnt the tricks of the trade from others before you.
When you plant a tree, there is no fruit immediately. It takes time. The tree grows. It takes 2-3 years before there is fruit on the avocdo tree. When I show people around and they sometimes ask me what tree this is, I say “Can’t you see that it is an avo tree?” We discern a tree by its fruit. Understand the tree. Without the roots there can be no tree. The roots determine what tree it will be. Your heart determines what comes out of the mouth. Listen, fine-tune yourself to God. You can plant an avo tree, tend it, look after it, fertilise it and suddenly you find out it has a disease called sun-blotch virus. At the beginning you do not see it, only when you pick the fruit. Such a tree, the Bible says, will be uprooted and burned. A tree that bears good fruit is pruned. The Lord will use sandpaper. He will fertilise and irrigate the tree so that it might bear better and more fruit. When the Lord does that in your life, don’t complain, just bow. He knows what is best for you.
There are many trees in the orchard that have been pruned. We have pruned drastically. I do not like watching the pruning. It is painful for me to see my own tree pruned.
In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. Colossians 1:6 Be careful of your own words. Tune into the heavenly radio when somebody else speaks. The Bible says, “You will recognise them by their fruit.” May God be merciful to us.
Conclusion Jabulani Dube
Keegan’s testimony is similar to mine. My father would also take a stick and beat my mother when he was drunk. He would beat her like some people beat their animals. I would return from herding the cattle and hear the noise of my father beating my mother. When I got older I grabbed his stick from him. This stopped him. He did not beat my mother again.
Let us strive to walk on this narrow way of which we heard that we may truly have life. There are false prophets and ministers who mislead the flock. Maybe one of your congregation members has come for help. He says that he is a liar and he is stubborn. It ends there. You do not challenge him about what lies he has told? To whom has he lied? If you do not do that you are not a true prophet of God. Someone can say I have lust, grudges and things end there. What are the roots of the grudges? Where do they come from? Assist the person to deal with that in his life. If you do not, God may consider you a false prophet.