Engagement is Holy

Engagement service of
Menzi Khuzwayo & Bongiwe Mhlongo,
Mbongeni Dlamini & Gloria Mhlongo,
Thembelani Vaaltyn & Thembisile Ngcamu
Albu van Eeden
On an engagement service it is not easy for anyone to stand in Rev Stegen’s pulpit. I do not feel worthy to stand here.
Friends, God is working and may we not miss out on what His spirit is doing in our midst.
I will request the couples to come forward-the men on my right and the ladies on my left, and I request that they come in the following sequence: Menzi Khuzwayo & Bongiwe Mhlongo, Bongani Dlamini & Gloria Mhlongo, Thembelani Vaaltyn & Thembisile Ngcamu. Allow me to say what Rev Stegen has said on many occasions-we do not tell people when they should get married and whom they should marry.
As they stand here, I am between them. They have not had any contact before today, and they will not have any until the wedding day. They have not flirted. They have not chatted to each other on cell phones. They have not sent text messages to each other. If it becomes clear that any of that has taken place, that engagement will be put on hold. All three of these three couples have lived God-fearing, exemplary lives.
What is one of the many reasons why we do things in this manner? There is one aspect that stands out to me: everything is done in holiness, and will be done in holiness, even after they are married.
This is an engagement service. But this is not even the first step to marriage. Bear with me if I speak about engagement and about marriage today because it is together one thing. If the roots of a tree are bad, the tree will one day be bad. I will touch on the roots of marriage, but I would also like to speak about the tree that will grow from these roots.
This process starts even before God speaks to the young man and lady about marriage. It starts with a clean heart that has been cleansed by the Lord Jesus. I want these couples to realise how blessed they are today, because they have the privilege of enjoying the principles that God laid down in 1966 at the start of the revival. These are not legalistic principles that have become a law, they are principles that were laid down as the Holy Spirit worked in our midst and convicted us. These couples were not there at the time.
Friends, God very often gives us an answer to our prayers long before we pray the prayer. We are tempted to despair if we see the fighting, the bloodshed, the immorality, the filth and the perversity in the world and the church. It seems as if this filth, perversity, and immorality is about to swallow the church of Christ. And yet, God gave His church the solution to deal with and live in the debauched world of 2022. He taught us how different nations can live together in peace, and be united in body, soul and spirit. Do we appreciate this? The later it gets, the more important and the clearer the examples and principles of the revival stand out in society.
Everything must be done in holiness. These young people must have a pure heart before God will speak to them and their hearts must be pure to hear the Lord’s voice. He will tell you if and when you should get engaged and married, and who you should marry. The engagement, and ultimately the marriage and the conduct within a Christian marriage, should be done in holiness and purity.
God so often answers our prayers before we have prayed them. I remember in 1975 when I was studying, I read about different revivals across the world. I longed to be part of a revival and experience it. In the Korean revival in the Presbyterian Church, people were so convicted of their sins that they stood up and shouted them out before the whole congregation. That is not the appropriate way to do it, but God was working in their midst, they were convicted, and they did not know what to do about it – they had to speak it out. In the revival under John Wesley, they had special confession services for people to have an opportunity to confess their sins. In the East African Revival in the Anglican church, people confessed their sins and apologised to one another before the whole congregation. The Great Awakening in America with Jonathan Edwards also involved the conviction of sin. If we experience the working of the Holy Spirit in our midst, we will have the same conviction of sin, and we will want to speak it out and get rid of our burden and obtain forgiveness. The same thing has happened in these different churches and countries through the ages. Do not be upset if we sense the Spirit of God convicting us.
How can this be explained to a person who has not been convicted by the Holy Spirit? They ask for the biblical foundation, and you give them a Bible verse: 18 Also many of those who were now believers came, confessing and divulging their practices. Acts 19:18; and 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16. Then they say, “You are making a law out of it.” No, we do not make a law out of it, we simply explain that what we experience is biblical. If you live among us, or you hear about this, and you do not experience the Holy Spirit speaking to you, you will not understand what is happening on this mission. You will not understand the deep conviction that people around you experience that is from a holy God. Do not tell us to stop the working of the Holy Spirit in our midst. We cannot do that, and we do not want to do it.
Friends, what started in 1966, is still happening - the deep conviction of sin. I was here in 1975. I read about these revivals, and I said, “Oh, Lord, if I could be in a revival like that.” I read about in the library of the University of Pretoria. I said that if there was one place in the world where there was still a revival like that, I would save my money, even if it took 10 years, and I would go there to experience it. Little did I realise that God had answered my prayer 9 years before when He sent revival in the country where I was.
To the young people getting engaged, you are enjoying the principles that God established since 1966 in this revival. We are proud of you because we can testify that the Holy Spirit has led each of you into these engagements. Be happy that you can share in this revival. It is all about one thing: God, the triune God - God the Father, God the Son, our Lord Jesus, and God the Holy Spirit who has worked in our midst.
Getting engaged and married is not just the Christian way of living together. Worldly people just begin living together when they like each other. People of other religions go through their rituals when they have decided that they want to marry and live together. The Christian marriage is something totally different. Allow me to read the text and show how different Christian marriage is.
6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready. Revelation 19:6,7
From the start everything must be holy. Our marriages must symbolise the relationship between Christ and His church.
To begin with, you must be sanctified by the blood of the Lamb. You cannot be born again today and tomorrow led into marriage. God can do what He likes, and if He wants to do it like that He can, but I am speaking in general. You must be the Lord’s sheep because the Lord Jesus says, My sheep hear My voice. John 10:27 For a young man to hear the Lord’s voice telling Him to get married, He needs to be one of the Lord’s sheep. If you are the Lord’s sheep, your heart has been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb and it is clean. Your heart is holy. What are you going into? Marriage. It must be the same. Everything must be holy.
A symbol of holiness is the ark of God. The Ark of the Covenant. The ark has many applications in the New Testament. Everything in the Ark of the Covenant has New Testament symbolism: the cup containing the manna, the staff of Aaron, the 10 commandments, the lid of the ark (the seat of mercy). The ark was approached once a year by the High Priest on the Day of Atonement. The priests sacrificed for the sins of the nation. This was ultimately fulfilled on Calvary when the Lamb of God was slain for the sins of the world, for everyone, including you and me.
I would like to look at one aspect of the ark and its significance for us. One of the Bible commentators says what is clear is that the ark was designed to be a symbol of the presence of God in the midst of His people.
Friends, engagement and marriage of the children of God should be a symbol of the presence of God in the midst of His people. That is why the young people are getting engaged today. What they are doing is a symbol of the presence of God in our midst. It must be holy in every aspect. Holy to such an extent that if you touch it in an unworthy manner, right from the engagement period - if a person touched the ark in an unholy manner - he was struck down and killed. We are happy about these engagements, but friends, if it is not done in holiness, it will bring death to you. In Judaism, the engagement was virtually on the same level as marriage. The couple were treated as if they were married, but they lived separately and did not have any contact with one another. May God be merciful to you that you will be holy during this engagement period, while you wait for the wedding to arrive. Do not allow the devil to tempt you into thinking and dreaming about what will happen once you are married. You will touch the ark of God in an unworthy manner and it can bring death to you if you do not get prayer and receive forgiveness of sin.
The ark of God was a physical manifestation that God, who was invisible, was in the midst of Israel. Friends, your engagement and marriage must be a physical manifestation of the presence of God among His people. People who are unbelievers should look at the way we get engaged, and at how we live as married couples, and they must be able to say, “God is in their midst. If we look at the engagement and marriage of so-and-so, it is clear.” We are proud of you young people who got engaged in this manner and we trust that it is pleasing to God as well. This engagement gives people an idea of how holy this living God is whom we serve. Marriage is a holy institution. You dare not enter marriage in an unholy way.
Let us look at some incidents where people did not treat the ark of God correctly, recognising its holiness as they should have.
The sons of Aaron, Nadab and Abihu, made sacrifices but they brought a foreign flame before God. We read that a fire that came from God and devoured them. We have heard the testimony of some of these young people who told us how holy the flame is when they get engaged. Friends, if you get engaged with lust in your heart, you bring a foreign fire, a strange fire, into the presence of God. Woe to you if you get engaged and married with a strange fire that does not complement the holiness of God. A fire from God consumed Nadab and Abihu there and then. How often have we not seen people making an engagement cheap and marriage among Christians has become a mockery in the world? Statistics say that about 50%, 1 in 2 marriages, end in divorce. What an embarrassment to the church that is. Possibly because they brought a foreign fire before the Lord.
Hophni and Phineas were the sons of Levi. They committed adultery in the temple with woman while serving the Lord and making sacrifices. Terrible! In the temple of God, they slept with other women. Are we not doing the same? Are you not sitting in church, looking at the girls and lusting after them? Are you not undressing them and watching them with a lustful eye? You are bringing a foreign fire before God. Friends, God will not tolerate that, whether it is 2022, or the end of the world, or any time in the world. God will not tolerate adultery in His church.
Or you hold a bachelor’s party, the final party before a young man gets married. At such a party they talk dirty, make dirty jokes, and then they get married in the church. You are committing the same sins as Hophni and Phineas, the sons of Eli. God judged them. Both were killed in a single battle. God said to Eli that because he did not correct his children and closed an eye to their sinful lifestyles in the temple, they would all die and there would be no descendant left to him. (1 Samuel 2:27-34) On the day of the battle when the young men died and the news was brought to Eli, he fell backwards, broke his neck and died too.
You live a life where you are defeated by the devil and you think you can live as a married man. You live a life where you cannot get victory over defiling yourself with your own hands and you think that if you got married then you would stop doing this sin. No, if you cannot get victory before marriage, you will not get it after marriage. You enter marriage with your defiled hands and you touch the ark of God in an unworthy manner.
Those who have got engaged today, remember this is the standard that you have begun with today. God will hold you to this standard when you get married. You must maintain this standard.
You may not have victory over watching porn, but you think that when you get married you can satisfy your lust within marriage and therefore you will stop watching it. No, you will not stop - maybe temporarily for a year or two but in the end, you will go back to your porn, while you are married. After 6 months of marriage while watching porn, your wife will become boring. There has been a case like this: A young man married a university beauty queen. He was accustomed to pornography, where every day he saw 10 new girls doing perverse things. His wife did not want to perform the filth he expected of her. After 6 months she bored him. He could not get excited about her any more. The marriage bed bored him. That is death to a marriage. Why? You touched the ark of God, the holy thing – marriage that was instituted by God – for an unworthy thing.
In that battle where Hophni and Phineas were killed, Israel realised they were defeated, and they took the ark into battle hoping that God would give them victory. You live a godless life, and then you want to get married in the church. You are carrying the ark of God onto the battle field. Why do you bother to get married? Why don’t you just live together? You are making engagement and marriage cheap in the eyes of the world. Friends, you must enter marriage with clean hands and a pure heart.
One young man of the three couples who got engaged today, had a dream where God spoke to him. It was not a lustful dream, where he was in bed with a girl but a dream where he was in the presence of God. God told him to get married. If I am correct, he waited for 7 years. The girl said, “No, the Lord has not spoken to me about this. I am not running after marriage like so many girls are doing.” He spoke to his counsellor and was given the girl’s reply. His response was, “That’s fine. I cannot do anything else because God has spoken clearly to me that she is the one.” 7 years later, the girl came and said, “God has spoken to me. I should get married.” Young people, when you live in the presence of a Holy God, everything must come from God and not yourself. Not like some Christians who follow God and serve the Lord but when it comes to marriage they say, “Lord, just stand aside, I must just quickly get married. I am really attracted to this girl. I have desires for this girl. Once I’m married, I’ll follow you again.” It is not about God. It is not in holiness. For that short period, they follow their own hearts, not the voice of God.
Sometimes our hearts are slyer. God has not spoken to me about marriage, but I start seeing signs around me indicating that God is speaking to me. I read the signs because there is a feeling in my heart – it is my choice, and I want God to give His approval. It is not me standing back and allowing God to guide. I read the Bible and many texts tell me to get married, no, you read into the Bible what your heart desires.
Uzzah walked alongside the ark of God and when the oxen stumbled, he stretched out his hand afraid the ark would fall and God struck him dead. Do not enter your marriage in a carnal way, you are touching God’s ark. Do not solve difficulties and challenges in your marriage by becoming angry, telling lies or manipulating the other person.
Brothers and sisters, we are all in the engagement period in which these 6 people are. All of us are living in that time. Let us read Revelations 19 again.
6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready. Revelation 19:6,7
This is the final day when Christ will come and fetch His bride. Who is His bride? The church.
8 it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. Revelation 19:8
If you are part of the bride of Christ, you should be dressed in fine, white linen. If you are not, you can go to Calvary and obtain forgiveness for your sins.
9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.” Revelation 19:9
We are in the engagement period, whether we know it or not, whether we are members of a church or not. But Christ will be coming one day, and He will expect a bride dressed in fine, white linen. This is what God’s word says: Blessed are they who are called to the marriage supper … Have you been invited to this supper? Have you heard His voice calling you to come to the marriage feast? Poor are you if that invitation has never come to you. If that invitation has come to you to become part of His bride, no matter how dirty your clothes may be, no matter what filth you have been in, you can receive the white garment from God by bringing your sins to Christ so that you can be dressed in fine linen, as you wait for the coming of the bridegroom.
Dear friends, do you want to come along with us? We invite you. Come with us. None of us were born righteous. None of us were born in white linen. We all experience the conviction of the Holy Spirit. We see people around us daily being convicted. Yes, we see people who have not been convicted. They do not understand the issue. We cannot help it if they live in their own bubble. They live on the mission but in their own bubble. They see no sin in their lives. They see themselves as self-righteous. We thank the Lord that God’s Spirit convicts people in this revival. Why don’t you join us?
I want to be part of the bride of Christ when He comes, whatever the cost and no matter the humiliation. The invitation is open to all nations. God said, “My church, My house must be a house for all the nations.” May God be merciful to us.
Conclusion Jabulani Dube
We have been blessed. I trust that the one who has an ear to hear has heard. These young men and women have demonstrated the standard we must live. Young people, we have a Gospel that straightens us each day. Will you allow God to work in your life and see what He will do?
I will never forget a particular girl who received a proposal before she had completed her studies. She said that she first wanted to finish studying. She was not in a hurry to marry. Those who are guided by the Lord are not in a hurry to marry. Marriage looks for them. She completed her degree and then she said, “Now you can tell me who the young man was who wanted to marry me. I can pray about it to see whether it is God’s will or not.”
It often happens that a girl says no after praying. Many young men informed my sister that they felt they should marry her, and she said that she did not feel that way. Eventually she said, “How many gods are there? Each of these men say that they feel God leading is them into marriage?” There are those girls who say, “I don’t feel that this is God’s will.” Until it is the right one and they feel it is God’s will to say yes.
It is good to obey God, not only in matters pertaining to engagement, where you listen for God’s will and you pray and ask, “Does God lead me and allow me to do the following?” If the devil whispers things in your ears, resist him. You should not only hear God’s voice when you want to get married but you need to hear His voice all the time.
It is wonderful when God points out sin in your life and you can obey Him in that. Nobody is forced to confess their sin. God’s word penetrates their hearts. Friend, if God has convicted you, repent. If God has shown you that you are not living as He wants you to, repent before that day comes. If you are still busy with marriage and always thinking about that, pray that God will help you. While you are searching for it you will not find it.